everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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