just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
