i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
