At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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