You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My bed smells like the plague
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
