well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
