you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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