it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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