Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
