Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Farmville is her only friend.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
