Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
