As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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