I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
