ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
