My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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