Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
