Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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