im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
