Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
