After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
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That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
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He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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