since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
