You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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