i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
