Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
