we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
