non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
