me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Someone signed my nipple.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
