the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
