Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I love having hate sex.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
