its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize