So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
