I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
