It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
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when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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