I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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