Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
