dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
