if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
