i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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