Taylor Swift is so right about you.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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