So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
