I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
