My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
