Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
