Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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