who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
