last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
