I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
