i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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