if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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