i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
