You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
