I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
