I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
