Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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