Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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