My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
this boner is exhausting
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
