she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
