so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize