hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
