i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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