I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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