I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
