He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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