Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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