I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
