She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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