I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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