he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
