Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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