omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize