Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
