if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
