I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
well, you know. whores of a feather.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
