Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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