she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
