I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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