the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Sorry my hands just texted you
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
